August 2005 Archives

One of the Jewish rites of passage for moving into a new place is the trip to the Keilim Mikvah. For reasons we're not getting into here, certain new vessels and utensils must be immersed in water to "purify and uplift the vessel" (B. Avoda Zara 75b). Even if someone went for their parents once or twice before, few things compare to schlepping multiple sets of brand new plates, silverware, and cookware to a polluted lake or glorified leak.

Ironically, the body of water used for "purifying" the vessels is usually more contaminated than the Hudson River. Sure there are some exceptions - the one by Breuer's is relatively clean - most of the ones I've seen are in dire need of cleaning, or in some cases, sulphuric acid.

Case in point, I spent part of Sunday at the Springfield keilim mikvah helping out the folks with some of their dishes and without exaggeration, there was at least a full inch of black "stuff" lining the bottom of the basin. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't care - I'd just lower the objects in the laundry basket, move things around making sure they're totally submerged with no hatzitzot, lift, dry, and repeat.

Today however, when going through the place settings, my mother noticed that a spoon was missing.

Now we know it wasn' t on the outside of the mikvah, but even though I didn't notice anything escape the firm clutches of the laundry basket, we're still short one spoon. Were this a cleaner mikvah, I'd just be able to look in and see, "hey! there's that spoon!"

Not this one.

The crud at the bottom of this thing swallowed up virtually everything that had the unfortunate fate of coming into contact with it. Think of the black goo from Creepshow 2 only without the whole jumping out of the water flesh eating part. That's what I'm talking about.

Against all odds there were a few items which reflected the limited sunlight, so there was some hope. The good people of Springfield were kind enough to supply a pole with nothing attached to either end. This allows unfortunate klutzes to push around the gunk thinking they can get their plates back, but in reality they're just making it harder to see through it.

When I thought I saw something resembling the wayward flatware, I reached in as far as I could, but was still a good 4 inches too short. Going Jacques Cousteau wasn't really an option but we did try some other unconventional alternatives.¹

Skipping right to the good stuff, we had the best success using a combination of a snow shovel and a reaching/gripper thingie left over from when my mother was recovering from the hip surgery. While we did manage to fish out 2 plates (one of which was shaped like a fish) and 3 spoons and knives covered in at least 25 types of dirt, but sadly the lost spoon is still lost in the abyss that is the Springfield keilim mikvah.

I did get a few things out of the experience. First, shuls really ought to clean their kelim mikvahs. Second, thanks to lefum tzar'ah agra (M. Avot 5:23) on both tevillat kelim *and* kibbud eim, I'm set upstairs for a while.

Still, I am curious if anyone else out there has had their own bizarre experiences with a keilim mikvah and/or the absolute worst keilim mikvah you've ever seen.

In the meantime, I'll be in quarantine until I stop glowing.

1. If you're asking yourself why make a big deal over one spoon, the answer is: "because."
2. And I just *know* I'm not the only one here

For all those interested, tonight is the End The Madness talent show featuring an extremely rare live performance by myself. If you'd like to know why the performances are rare, stop by KJ (125 East 85th St.) at 6:30 PM and hear for yourself.

In all seriousness, it should be a fun evening and I'm looking forward.

And yeah, I know I'm behind in regular blogging yet again. The past few weeks have been crazy with the niblings (who got back all right - pics forthcoming), school work, and currently a return to "real work." Lots to write about, but sadly no time.

To allay the fears of the loyal readers, everything is fine but really busy. I'm trying to finish off the albatross of the thesis before I start working on Monday, spending time and schepping nachas with the niblings (pics forthcoming), and practicing my "act" for the talent show.

On the plus side, there is much going on worth writing about once the required stuff gets out of the way so stay tuned.

The good folks over a KesherTalk have done a blogburst collecting tidbits regarding Jerusalem and 9 Av. Very informative and well worth reading over the fast day.

(It was also nice of them to link back to my own take of the fast).

I've never liked golf. Sure there's loads of skill involved in hitting 1in ball 400 ft and into a tiny cup, but I daresay it's even more boring then NASCAR which livens things up with a crash or two.

My uncle took me to the driving range once when I was in high school and that was a disaster, but at least then you had the fun of trying to hit the moving target of the ball collector truck. Maybe the PGA can somehow incorporate the truck-guy for bonus points, and even then I'm not sure I can bring myself to care.

But every so often, the PGA invades the tiny hamlet of Springfield New Jersey with one of their major tournaments. Twelve years ago we had the US Open and now we've got the PGA Champoinship. Back then there was loads of traffic, a goodyear blimp, and blatant profiteering. We've still got all that stuff, but now I have access to a digital camera.

Warning - large pictures ahead

It seems that the audition was just a ruse to get me to sign up for the Arts Festival; there is no audition and I'm apparently on the bill. This means that choice 1 with 86% of the vote wins in that I'm playing, as does choice 3 with one vote in that I get to slap the person who suggested it.

The next question is what to do...

I just finished watching the three parts of the video "A Stab In The Heart" and was one of the more powerful things I have seen on the current disengagement (the first part especially, it gets a bit redundant afterwards).

Every Jew ought to watch this video, regardless of your positions of the disengagement or of Israeli politics in general. You may be for or against disengagement. You can think it's good, bad, or a necessary evil for the country.

And that's entirely not the point.

This film is an important reminder that even with Eretz Yisrael we are still very much in galut. I cannot think of anything more appropriate to watch during the 9 days.

It looks like the upgrade went off easier than expected. Of the improvements, you should notice faster load times and we now have an atom feed if you're into that sort of thing.

The downside is that all the links in the archive are changed. I caught most of them and set up a redirect, but it's likely I missed one or two. If you find any bad links out there or any other bugs, please drop me a line.

I was just asked to audition for the End The Madness! Talent Show on Aug 25. Sure I can play a bit and figure out chords, but I've never really considered myself a performer and this isn't the same as an open mic night or a random talent show.

I could use some help here, especially from people who have heard me play. Whaddaya say?

Keep in mind that if the audition does go well - or at least better than everyone else - I'd probably have to actually perform.

Dear Loyal Readers,
There may be some blog downtime this weekend since we're going to try the proposed upgrade to MovableType 3. Shaya filled me in on most of the details, known problems, and (hopefully) good ideas for solutions.

You may also notice a design change. I figure that if we're doing the overhaul on the backend, it may be a good opportunity to update the design as well. I found some interesting templates online with which I can tinker, and we'll see what I can manage. (I'm open to suggetsions, especially if someone wants to do the redesign). Then again, I may just leave things

At any rate, we'll see how things go.

Shabbat Shalom,
Josh

SIW e-mails me about a quiz show he's doing with some other folks and he's looking for the looking for the funniest Jewish jokes.

You read that right - someone is actually asking me for jokes.

Of course, this meant I drew blanks. While I may contribute to Purim shticks or throw in a few lines in situations, I was never good at coming up with jokes on the fly nor have I memorized the collected works of Henny Youngman. But while I couldn't help Steven out directly I did start thinking about what constitutes "Jewish" humor.

The obivous angle is that the comedian is Jewish - which seemed to the the basic theme of a Comedy Central special on the new Jewish comedians. This connection isn't surprising considering that "Jewish" jokes are cultural if not stereotypical and as Sienfeld has taught us, only Jews can get away with these jokes without being considered anti-semetic.

The problem is that as cultures change, the stereotypical references become less significant. The classic Jewish jokes from the Borscht Belt were mostly based on a European "old country" mentality of Jewish culture and Jewish history. But as Jewish life moved out of the shtetle, so too must the humor.

One option is to identify and contemprize the familar themes. For example, topics such as mothers, guilt, and anxiety are are still things relavant to most people. The persecution complex may have to be toned down a bit, but there's plenty of paranoia to go around. Or you could turn the stereotype dial up to 11 like Hebrew Hammer, which in the style of blaxploitation provided a fresh take on old ideas. Of course, some things would work better than others and through differnt comedic formats.

The other direction would be to satarize the modern societies of Judaism. There are websites and plays dealing with the modern professional Jewish world, and of course, there is no shortage Yeshivish jokes out there. The problem is that while these jokes may reflect the current reality, most of these are far too specialized to be funny for outsiders.

At any rate I'm at a loss for now, but I'm sure some things will be percolating in the back of my head.

For those who didn't believe...

And no, I'm not that good in photoshop. Were I to make a fake smikha, it would look something like this.

After years of horrible dating experiences, you finally find The One. She's (or he's) pretty, funny, smart, a dynamo in the kitchen, and even with your impossibly high standards, she's (you get the idea) everything you're ever been looking for in a spouse.

Well ... almost.

As it turns out she doesn't want to make aliyah. Or vice versa, she does and you really don't. For some reason, this little detail got overlooked by both of you and/or the shadchan never bothered checking. While there are many factors one considers in dating, aliyah is unique. There are significant halakhic, hashkafic, and practical considerations, and there is little room for compromise. You're not choosing between city and suburban life, but living in Israel or not living in Israel.

At any rate, you've now got a choice to make. Do you marry the girl of your dreams and give up aliyah, or go ahead with your life and take a chance with the dating game for however long it might take?

Naturally, there's not going to be a definitive answer to the question. But for those who are facing this dilemma, perhaps we can help sort through some of the factors to consider.

Lots of stuff going on in the greater YUTOPIA-land area in the next few weeks. Some of the highlights:

• Shaya will probably be moving us to MovableType 3 and there may be some glitches as a result.
• Thesis is finally looking decent.
• There's a good chance I'll actually be employed soon.
• I'm coming along on some posts I've been thinking about, including (partially) explaining my prolonged absences.
• I'm also planning on toning down the intensity dial a bit from the recent manifestos - looking for a better ballance like in the "old days."
• Personal milestone coming up on Thursday.
• And of course, the niblings and family invading homestead.

Life is...well, busy. Stay tuned for details.

Tomorrow will be quite the eventful day in the Yuter household as the niblings will be making their grand return to the states.

YAY!

It should be loads of fun, and I may even get to spend time with one of them between the grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and whomevers who have been clearing calanders for months.

I may even post some new pics since the kiddies provided enough of an impetous to finally purchase a digital camera. In a story which would make The Juggle Zone proud, we tried getting a Kodak EasyShare DX7440 from Circuit City, only to find that not only could we not pick it up at a local store, but they were out of stock all over. Fortunately, good 'ol J & R came through again.

C'est la vie.

At any rate, this should be a fun few weeks, impending doom notwithstanding.