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March 23, 2006

The Chag Hasemikhah Drinking Game


Every four years, YU holds its Chag Hasemikhah ceremony, celebrating their newly minted musmakhim. Some of you have seen the ads in the various papers, but many if not most have had the pleasure of avoiding every possible one.

I've been to two of these things before, and the best description I can give is that it's a college graduation, but with all the speeches being given by Rabbis. To put things in perspective, the most memorable moment from the first one I went to was R. Tendler's chair collapsing on stage during Ya'akov Ne'eman's speech.1

Due to the mitzvah of kibbud av va'em I will be attending the upcoming one on Sunday as this is my "hag hasemikha class" and just having my klaf isn't good enough for some people.

At any rate, as a public service to those who find themselves in the position of being stuck in one of these things, Avraham and I got together and made our own drinking game to make the day a little more leibedik.2

Continue reading "The Chag Hasemikhah Drinking Game" »

May 11, 2004

Critique of Pure Boredom

From The Globe And Mail:

    This year, Germans celebrated the 200th anniversary of the death of Immanuel Kant, reports Philosophy Now magazine. "Kant has traditionally been portrayed as a dutiful ascetic moralist -- in other words, as rather a bore -- but according to the three new biographies, the great metaphysician was not such a square after all. He enjoyed drinking wine, playing billiards and wearing fine, colourful clothes. On occasion, Kant drank so much red wine that he was unable to find his way home, the books claim."

What amazes me is not that Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable, but I still can't believe that a magazine called "Philosophy Now" actually exists.

Maybe it's because I've never seen a copy of it.

March 5, 2004

YUTOPIA's Guide To Purim Shticks

Apologies to the Loyal Readers for the lack of Purim shticks this year. I have too much real work to do at the end of the quarter, so it's just not gonna happen.1 But I do feel the need to write about another dangerous practice of Purim: The Shticks. Each year, some people overdo it and wind up sick, hospitalized, or worse. The problems are exacerbated by a society which forces people to be clever - whether or not they actually have a sense of humor.

If you're going to do some Purim shticks, don't go in without preparation. I've been involved in more shticks than I care to admit, and I've found that "being funny" is easier said than done. Some people simply aren't funny, and others might be funny but have no idea how to make a good shtick or just try too hard. So allow me help with some rules to make this Purim safe, enjoyable, and hopefully lynching free.

Rule 1: Know The Types of Humor

Humor is an art. It's more than just throwing out one-liners or insults. I recommend reading A Netizen's Guide to Humor for some general pointers. Intelligent satire is better than the one-liner insult. Insulting one-liners aren't funny unless you're a professional like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. You're not. Use some creativity.

Satire is generally the best way to go for Purim shticks. Here are a few suggestions:

Parodies
If you're too lazy to come up with something from scratch, just take something popular and redo it. Songs, gemaras, ads, articles, or whatever. What you do will normally depend on your forum. Some shticks need to be performed, others are better in print. If you're doing a magazine, be sure to mix up the styles.

The original piece should be serious, thus increasing the comedic impact. If you try to modify a comedy piece, you run the risk of extreme lameness. The only way you could pull it off, is if your version is better than the original. Try to pick something that would be familiar to your audience. The Hamevaser song, although funny, was lost on most people. In YU people either read Hamevaser, or they heard Dennis Leary. Few people knew both.

Images
Any idiot can fool around with Photoshop, but few posess the twisted talent of Ephraim Shapiro.2 If you don't have the ability of Shapiro, use minimal image editing, and put more effort into the caption. Take this for example. Initially, they just imposed "YU Registrar's Office" on the guy's butt. I'm sure you will agree, the end result was much funnier.

Puns
Reuven summed up the problem with puns nicely: the better the pun, the worse it is. They can be useful for a change of style to to give the joke another level of humor. Just remember to use them sparingly. And never make a shtick completely out of puns. You will get beat up.

Trust me.

Remember that details are important. A poor choice of words can turn a funny shtick into a tasteless one. A good idea with poor execution just isn't funny. Even worse, you've wasted a good idea. Finally, don't make a joke if it's too obvious. If there is a joke that just has to be made, find a clever way of doing so.

Rule 2: Know Your Audience

You have to know your crowd. What will they think is funny, what jokes won't they get, and what will they think is offensive? Since you never know who is going to come across your shtick, try keep it tame or nuanced. Remember that "funny" can be measured quantitatively by how many people think it's funny, and qualitatively by how funny it is. Ideally, you'd like to maximize both, but realistically this is just about impossible. If you can, layer the shtick with multiple meanings so it will work on a peshat and derash level.

If you're writing a journal of some sort, remember that you don't have to have each article be funny to everyone. Actually, it would probably be better to direct some shticks to certain types of people, provided the range of your readership is covered.

Rule 3: Avoid Redundancies

If it's been done before, don't do it again. Fortunately Hamevaser hasn't had a Purim issue in years because they had this problem. Essentially, most of the issue was written by one person. While he was funny, the jokes got stale after the fifth year. You'd have to go way way back to the Beis Grinky days to see some good original humor.

Rule 4: Know Your Limits

It's really important to know when you're not being funny or your just forcing it. If your idea is lame, then drop it and move on. If you have a good idea and need help with details, get some help. Personally, I've done my best shticks while collaborating with people like Ben and Avraham. Friends can tighten up details, and make sure it's funny to other people besides yourself.

Rule 5: Safek Shtick Lehumra

If you're unsure if it's funny or offensive, use discretion. There is no shortage of lame, unfunny, and insulting shticks out there, and we don't need another one. If you need filler, go for the surreal. Some people might think it's lame, others will be too drunk to notice. Odds are someone will be offended by any given shtick. You don't have to be overly sensitive, but avoid gratuitous attacks.

Again, if you're not sure how it will be received (or worse, you are sure), better to leave it out.

Rule 6: There is NOOOOOO Rule 7

Don't take yourself too seriously - this post included.


If you have your own suggestions or warnings, add them to the comments.

I'm about to become even more reclusive3 as I go on a non-stop writing binge until Spring Break. Expect blogging to be slow for the next two weeks or so unless something comes up.


Purim Sameach

1. Or at least not in time for Purim. I might post some of them later, but we'll see.
2. Although, I must give props to Ben for this one.
3. Yes, that's possible.

February 15, 2004

Job Your Name

Shaynale sends an Excel spreadsheet which determines your ideal job based on your name.


Here's how I did:

  • Josh = Vibrator Tester

  • Joshua = Clown

  • Yuter = Rabbit Slayer

  • Josh Yuter = Computer Nerd

  • Joshua Yuter = Cowboy

  • Rabbi Josh Yuter = Mad Scientist

  • Rabbi Joshua Yuter = Village Idiot

I'd say this counts as conclusive scientific proof.

October 31, 2003

Shabbat Shalom: Parashat Noach

It's been an unusally busy blogging week for me, which usually means I've either been hyper, annoyed, or both. Let's end the week on a positive note, shall we?

Here it is "Arky, Arky" or "Rise and Shine"

Click here to sing along!

Guitar choirs: C F C DM7

(Chorus) Rise and shine and give God the glory-glory (x3)
Children of our God.

God said to Noah, "There's gonna be a floody, floody" (x2)
Get those children out of the muddy, muddy, Children of our God.

Noah, he built him, he built him an arky, arky (2X)
Made it out of gopher barky, bary. Children of our God.

All of the animals, they came in by two-zies, two-zies (x2)
Elephant and kangaroozies, roozies. Children of our God.

Rained and poured for fortyday-zies, dayzies (x2)
Nearly drove those animals crazies, crazies. Children of our God.

Dove went out to take a peeky, peeky (x2)
Dove came back with twig in her beaky, beaky. Children of our God.

This is the end of, the end of our story, story (x2)
Everything is hunky-dory, dory. Children of our God.

(Lyrics from a comment here)

Shabbat Shalom

For added shabbat fun, try using this tune for D'ror Yikra and perhaps benching. Extra points if you don't accidentally start singing Carlebach's "Shomrim"

October 30, 2003

Golemic Proportions

One last post today and then I am so done. In honor of Halloween, MSN's Learning and Reseach Center rates nine scary monsters from various cultures.

The Golem gets a 4:

Sometime around 1500, it seems, a certain Rabbi L�w [sic] of Prague decided to build a tireless servant. He shaped a heap of clay into a crude humanoid, muttered a spell and--say hello to the golem, a powerful pile of mindless matter that follows its master's orders relentlessly.

Needless to say, it didn't work out as hoped.

Three issues:

1. "Muttered a Spell" - I think even the Kabbalah Center would be upset with that description

2. "build a tireless servant" - Hey, the water carrier thing was just a cover for his true purpose - to thwart the blood libels attempted by the anti-semitic peasentry. (oh, and once to rescue a Jewish woman who was raised Catholic). I used to read the comics in the Jewish Press, and they wouldn't mislead me. Not about this anyway.

3. Here's the kicker: "Didn't work out as hoped"??? What does that mean? Does anyone know of stories that involved the Golem going on murderous rampages? Ok, maybe the evil anti-semitic peasants got their blood libel plans foiled, but hey, they deserved it. And as we all should know from the X-Files, the golem only exists to extract revenge on the enemies of the Jews or to serve as their protectors like that episode of Gargoyles. Even Mendy got along with his golem.

Sorry, I'm in a bad mood today.

October 3, 2003

Best Interactive Time Wasters

Since my last call for comments was less than impressive, I'm going to try again with another question. What is the best most addictive interactive time waster on the web. This doesn't include reading blogs, watching amusing cartoons, or anything passive. These are things that require more user input than pressing the "play" button. For the record, I discovered these long before I came to Chicago.

I offer three suggestions:

News Hunter
This shockwave game is based on Comedy Central's Daily Show. Skipping the so called "point," this realistic flash game is highly addictive and entertaining despite the blantant shilling for the VW Touareg.

Fling the Cow
Initially done in DHTML, it is now available in flash as well. It delivers what it promises.

Broken Saints
This will be my "exception which proves the rule" (I love academia). Though passive - it's a moderately animated graphic novel - it's a fantastic piece of work. The work of three people over three years in their spare time, this work has won numerous awards including one at Sundance. (See their FAQ for more details).

So if you're interested in something different, check this out. I'd recommend downloading "keepers" locally so you can view them at your leisure. One ambitious (probably unemployed) Slashdot reader clocked all 24 chapters at roughly 10 hrs 30 min total viewing time, so I wouldn't recommend watching the whole thing in one sitting. One warning though: the beginning is really slow.

Update: It turns out that this isn't much of an exception after all. I just noticed that there is an upcoming Broken Saints video game. If you have the bandwith, check out the trailer - although it's more impressive if you've seen the original in its entirety. The game isn't due out until 2006 and only for "next generation consoles."

Disclaimer: Play at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get fired or suspended.

September 30, 2003

Monty Python Shticks For Sale

Potter sent me a link to purchase the sheep in wolf's clothing. This reminded me that I've been wanting to get the holy hand-grenade, but it's a bit out of my price range. On the other hand, at U of C, I'm sure I can find plenty of arguments.

Update: For those of you wondering, the holy hand-grenade is not recommended (see the bottom of the page).

September 22, 2003

New Shlock Rock Album

Mendy informs me of Shlock Rock's new album which is mostly of Broadway parodies. As always, some are clever, and others are painful. Two comments though. Though I can't prove it off of the web yet, I do remember Rechnitzer Rejects already doing a song called Get Me to the Shul on Time. (It began with the line "I'm getting maftir in the morning..."). I'm also noticing that he does a parody of Allan Sherman's "Hello Muddah." Been there, done that.

September 9, 2003

Masechet Bava Commie

The previous two posts were technically before my smikha days. My first year in smikha was also one of the more auspicious years in YU's PR history. It started when YU removed stacks of the Commentator from Belfer Hall right before the annual open house. An embarrassed YU eventually compensated the Commie for the papers, but the fun didn't stop there.

The story hit the mainstream press with YU being the evil supressor of free speach. The New York Times reported the story, and coincidentally was itself removed from campus. R. Lamm was even disqualified from US News' ignominious Sheldon Award because "administrators are supposed to look the other way, not conduct the thefts themselves." Of course, YU couldn't do much about US News since they rely on them too much for their annual college rankings.

Censorship extented to Judaic Studies as well. Some of YU's Roshei Yeshiva criticized the new Bible journal Nachalah and several copies also turned up "missing" after the SOY Sefarim Sale (it turned out that the Nachalah staff was to blame - since no one came to pick up the unsold issues, facilities management removed them.) Finally, the integrity of SOY's prized publication "Beis Yitzhack" was compromised when two students dared to not only quote R. Saul Lieberman, but they actually treated him with respect.

With all this happening, we couldn't just let this go by. I never attempted a fake gemara before, but this was too good to pass up. Ben came by my aparment and we created Masechet Bava Commie. While many fake gemaras just tell a story as it might appear in the Talmud, we quoted and paraphrased actual gemaras, rashis, and tosafot, weaving the shtick with actual sources to the point where we should have included mekorot with the Purim issue.



Les MIS

This next one came almost by accident. I was fooling around with an image editing program and I noticed one of the filters - I think it was called "charcoal" - created a similar effect as the Les Misérables poster.

That year most of the CS majors were not fans of the MIS department. This was probably due to MIS' incompetence and stupidity.

After some more crude graphic work, I came up with:

Les MIS


The original plan was to have a completle musical, but we ran out of time and talent. So we just listed song titles, some of which made sense (Empty Chairs and Broken Cables) and others were supposed to be changed before we went to print (Lovely Ladies).

It turned out that we didn't need to write lyrics because people were making up words on their own. Go figure.

Hamevaser - The Song

One of the perks of doing the web page for The Commentator was that I had more input than I should have had with the Purim issues. For example, my first year I got the purim issue titled The Ordinary Potato (the common tater). The second year the purim issue was called Commie Sutra. This was also my doing, the result of an offhanded comment to Yishai Fleisher on the subway.

Around this time, I was also co-Editor-In-Chief of Hamevaser. This didn't last terribly long. But, as I've done on other occasion, when I get too frustrated with something, I write a song parody. As you can imagine, the result is often strange or disturbing (and since I've learned to play guitar I can even do live performances). The following was one of my many collaborations with Ben Sandler and originally published in the Commie Sutra.

Hamevaser
In Tribute to Dennis Leary (Sorry - no midi link available)

I'm just a regular Joe, an above average Jew
I spent two years at Gush, then I came toYU
I like Buber, and Plato, and books about Kant
I say "existential" whenever I want
My logic is flawless, my intellect pure
I'm a philosophy major, in Rav Rosenswieg's shiur

But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
oh no
no way
uh uh

So I've gotta go out
and get a mag with an elitist pretense
yea yea,
yea yea,
yea yea
yea yea yea yea yea

They hang out with guys named J, E, P, D
They talk about gout with Rabbi Carmy.

HAMEVASER...

After one issue they fired Josh Yuter
Got Yehudit - 'cause Aton thinks she's cuter

HAMEVASER...

We try to find spouses in top Revel classes
I hear that the ladies go for guys in thick glasses

HAMEVASER...

What if Tradition won't publish this song?
What if I've strayed from the Rav's Weltanschauung?
Maybe they're right when they say that I'm wrong...
Naaaaaaa


The Rant:

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go back to that Hesder Yeshiva on a hill
and get myself a big M-16... with no safety
and I'm gonna get a huge kippa sruga
and a Breuer Tanach and big black beard and
a big, smelly, cigarette and a degree from the Machon.

And then I'm gonna come back here and teach intro to Bible
and tell everyone who just came back from Yeshiva in Israel
that the Torah was written by monks in twelfth century Germany
and everything they know is wrong and that the Gemara is really an
allegory for wine and love poetry.

And there isn't a G-d damn thing anyone can do about it.
You know why? Because we've got the Rav. OK?
Harav HaGaon Joseph B. Soloveitchik.
And I was in his shiur for twenty years and I was his closest talmid
and I used to cook him breakfast and clip his coupons.

And the Agudas Yisrael and the Edah Chareidis and Neturei Karta
can have all the Gedolim they want and put me in cherem as many times
as they want, because We've got the Rav, OK?

The Rav isn't dead, he's just sleeping. And as soon as Dr. Brill
figures out how to revive him, he's coming back, and he's gonna be
pretty fed up with all you apikorsim. Imagine sleeping through minyan,
and mutiply that by fifteen million. He's gonna come back and smash Rav Kahn
back to Mongolia and make YU co-ed just like Maimonides, OK, and...

Hey! You really are elitist!

Yeah, well why don't you just SHUT UP and sing this song, OK???

HAMEVASER...

HAMEVASER...

H-A-M-E-V-A-S-E-R!

EVERYBODY!

H-A-M-E-V-A-S-E-R!

June 12, 2003

Evil Bezeq Man

Since I have my own personal blog now, I guess I can start moving some various nonesense over here. The following was written sometime in 2002. I was in Gruss in Israel and working with Russel on setting up an ADSL network in the computer room.

This song has been performed by me only once - that Purim in Dr. Jackson's apt - and will probably never be performed (by me at least) again.

Trust me - this is a good thing.

Continue reading "Evil Bezeq Man" »

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